So I’ve embarked on the hunt for a full time job. The problem is, of course, that I haven’t gotten one yet. The second problem is, even if I do, will it be a good fit for me? I have been evaluating what I want and what will truly make me happy. Honestly it’s scaring the crap out of me, but here I am regardless. Being a lover of art, humanity, and spirituality, I realize that the likelihood of me finding a job to fulfill me while also paying me well is not very good. I suppose it’s true that people need different things in life. Or perhaps that the idea of “fulfillment” isn’t even a thought in most people’s lives, I dunno. I suppose I am more or less a weirdo.
Here’s a pretentious thing to say: I was reading Thoreau the other day, (most of the time I really can’t take myself seriously) and a line stuck out to me: “As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” How do I find balance between living passionately and fully and pushing through not-so-great things in order to, in the future, be somewhere better? Is taking a not-so-good job that will get me where I want to go worth the effort? Should I suspend my happiness?
Perhaps I’m not seeing it clearly. Perhaps it’s finding happiness in day-to-day things, people, places. All I know is that I’ve watched too many people in my life settle for careers they hated because it “will pay off in the end.”It allowed them to be financially secure. A job is a job, but if I’m going to spend 40+ hours a week there, I have to hope that I’d enjoy it. I’m not sure I can live another way. Isn’t the biggest, unmendable wound in life wasted time?